I’m only happy when it rains. like, literally

I remember when I was a teen (I was already struggling with mental health issues back than, I just didn’t know) bad weather meant bad mood. it always got me down. autumn was worst. end of summer holidays, back to school, leaves turning yellow, temperatures dropping…. and to me that always signified finiteness and the passing of time and BAD BAD BAD DON’T WANT!!!!! you know? and for many years, clouds and rain made me feel depressed, sad, gloomy. not really surprising, given that I’ve  been diagnosed with chronic depression, amongst other stuff, in the meantime.

I’m not sure when exactly it happened, but that changed. at some point during the last 2 years, I guess. I think I need to point out that I’ve never been a fan of heat and direct sunlight and soaking up sun either. I don’t like it if it’s too hot, I’m very pale, and I’ve always preferred moderate temperatures and shade. but not clouds and rain! somehow, I’ve come to really appreciate and embrace bad weather. I no longer find it threatening or depressing. it makes me feel calm and relaxed and save and whole and at home. and last autumn was the first time that I enjoyed watching the trees changing their colour or  going for walks in the misty woods. and that, too,  was before I sought professional help. but even I was feeling down, the sound of rain and the sight of the cloudy sky made me feel calm and comfortable. as if I’d finally recognised my natural, intended habitat. and somehow that makes less sense then the ‘bad weather makes depressed person more depressed’ equation. right?


2 thoughts on “I’m only happy when it rains. like, literally

  1. For some reason I love the gloomy weather too. I suffer from chronic depression as well. I take medication and see a therapist and most days I feel okay, but some days I have to literally push through. Its sunny and beautiful out today, and I don’t want to go outside. I woke up wishing it was raining. I wish for rain a lot actually. I don’t understand why other than the sound of the rain make me feel calm and peaceful.
    Maybe too because my absolute favorite thing is to snuggle up at home when It’s raining. Like a safety thing I guess.

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